Truth is a Garden Gnome
by NoobFish
Summary: The truth can be wonderful, it can set you free. Just ask Ron Stoppable... But will that truth help him ask the girl that’s been filling both his dreams and nightmares to Middleton High’s Spring Fling dance?


Shego groaned painfully as she tried to rub her temples. Her blocked nose made it difficult to breathe, and her face was burning up. As she rolled over on her side, she shoved the black and green sheets off to the floor without opening her eyes, thankful for the sudden cool breeze that washed over her sweat-coated body.

Sitting up, a dizzying sensation of vertigo slammed into her, everything suddenly started spinning. She immediately closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm the welling gorge in the back of her throat. Regardless of the bile she tasted after choking back her dinner from the night before, her parched throat demanded that she find her way to the kitchen. Surrendering to her weakened state, she collapsed back on her bed. She swallowed her last vestiges of her pride and yelled out as loud as possible.

"Drak'n!" she yelled for her employer. When she didn't hear the sound of pattering feet clamoring outside her room, she yelled out again. "Drak'n!"

After a good minute or so lying there, she realized that he wasn't around. She recited a good half a dozen curses in her head, struggling to sit up again. She really needed that glass of water. And maybe a good shot of painkillers and decongestants would help. She wondered whether she could make it as far as the bathroom.

She rolled off her bed and got to her feet drowsily, steadying herself against the wall. She didn't dare to open her eyes for more than a few seconds at a time, the damned room spinning like a top if she dared try. Shuffling slowly along the wall, mostly feeling her way with her hand, she slowly got to the bedroom door and fumbled around for the door knob. Finding herself in the lair corridor, she groped her way towards the kitchen when she suddenly stubbed her toe on something.

"Oh goddammit!" Shego shrieked in pain as she stumbled backwards, letting go of the wall for a moment. She regretted it immediately, not realizing how weak she was. She had lost all sense of what was up or down, and she felt herself toppling forward towards the inevitable blackness.

* * *

She felt a damp cool towel being placed on her forehead, and let out a gentle sigh. Shego let a small smile creep to her face; it had bring back memories of her childhood when her mom cared for her while she was sick. Opening her eyes, she blinked twice and croaked out in a soft voice.

"Mom? Is 'at you?"

A low chuckle was heard, before a young, male voice replied, "Nah, not quite."

"Huh?" Shego blinked twice and turned her head towards the sound of the voice, but the towel immediately slipped off her forehead.

"Hey, don't worry about anything," the voice cooed softly, as she saw a large pair of hands reach over and pick the towel up off her pillow before setting it back on her forehead. "Just go to sleep…"

"Whu-…" Shego groaned before someone turned off the lamp on her bedside table.

"Go to sleep, Shego…" the voice comforted her, before softly humming a lullaby. Soon enough, Shego found sleep claiming her, despite the whirlwind of questions flying through her head.

* * *

Shego yawned as she rubbed her eyes. She felt tired and stiff, but at least the dizziness and nausea were gone. Her nose was still a little runny, but nothing big to worry about. Blinking twice, she stretched her arms out and yawned as loudly as possible, feeling happier that the worst was over. Her hand brushed against something, and she glanced in surprise towards her left.

Someone, with a blond head of hair was resting fitfully with his head on her bedside. Glancing suspiciously at the person, Shego immediately sat up. She reached out a hand to wake the person, giving him a hard shake. He stirred slightly, mumbling something in his sleep, but remained fast asleep.

Shego resorted to more drastic measures; she shoved the blond's shoulder roughly, and to her satisfaction, the blond elicited a yelp as he lost his balance and fell off his seat.

"No way…" she gasped in horror, as a familiar, freckled face peeked groggily from the edge of the bed. A goofy smile, a clueless look, a ruffled head of hair, it couldn't be.

"Heya, Shego," Ron bared a grin. He yawned as loudly as possible, giving Shego a good view of his tonsils. "Feeling better?"

Shego stared wide-mouth at the blond boy who picked himself up off the floor and dusted his pants off. He gave a brief, full body stretch and lolled his head about while he was standing taut, his back, shoulders, and neck resounding in a loud series of cracks. "What are you doing here?" she croaked out in a hoarse voice.

Ron screwed up his face with a perplexed look. "That's not good…" he commented as he turned his back and went over to the dresser in Shego's room. He picked up a pitcher of water and poured it into a glass. He picked up a bottle of pills and walked back to Shego's side and handed her the glass of water.

Shego eyed the offering suspiciously. It looked innocuous enough; a glass of crystal clear water and a bottle of pills she'd immediately recognized as decongestants with her name on it. He must have pulled it out of the bathroom. Glancing up suspiciously at his face, Shego tentatively took the glass of water and sipped it slowly. Satisfied that it was water, she watched as Ron twisted open the top and deposited two small yellow pills in her palm.

Without a word, she popped it into her mouth and downed the rest of the glass of water slowly, all while focusing her eyes off his.

"Right…" Ron took the empty glass off her hands, and told her. "Okay, I got some food in the kitchen for you. Just relax for a moment, and…" Ron reached behind her and fluffed up her pillow for her, and with a smile walked out the bedroom door.

Shego glanced around the room for a moment, wondering what just happened. "Did Princess' buffoon just walk into my room and take care of me?" she asked out loud. Maybe the fever's higher than she thought. Slumping back down in her bed, she closed her eyes for a moment, drifting on the brink of a restless sleep.

A delicious smell wafted to her nose and she suddenly realized how hungry she was. She opened her eyes and to her horror, there was that goofy blond ghost hovering by her bedside with a tray of food. Sitting up in surprise, she almost knocked the tray out of his hand.

"Hey, hey!" Ron protested, barely keeping the food tray in his hands. "Calm down, Shego. Here…" he offered as he set the tray down on her lap.

Shego glanced down at the tray. There was a large bowl of a steaming, creamy yellow colored soup, two slices of bread and a pat of butter, and a glass of clear yellow liquid. Pointing suspiciously at the glass, she asked him, straining through her blocked nose, "Wassat?"

"Ginger water," Ron grinned. "Just ginger, julienned, and boiled… It clears up the sinuses damn fast… Homemade cure that I would swear by."

Shego picked the warm glass up and peered at the liquid closely, before glancing up at Ron. "You shure?" she mumbled, sniffling a bit and wiping her nose with her sleeve.

"Hey, don't do that," Ron chided, as he pulled a box of tissues from a drawer. "Here, use this." He offered her a tissue.

"T'anks…" Shego quietly muttered as she took the tissue paper from his hands and blew her nose hard. She handed him the used tissue, which he held by the edge and dropped it into a wastepaper basket he had pulled up by the bed.

"Just down it all fast," Ron suggested as Shego still hesitated with the drink in her hand. "It's got that tangy smell, like wasabi, but trust me, it really clears up the sinuses."

Shego finally shrugged as she tilted her head back, quickly gulping the warm fluid down her throat. It didn't taste as bad as she thought it would. At least, not until the sharp taste Ron mentioned hit the back of her throat, sending her into a fit of coughing and sputtering.

Ron immediately took the glass out of her hand and handed her a tissue. "You okay? Maybe you should just drink half now…"

Shego glared daggers at the blond boy, "Th't was disgustin'…" she coughed out, having trouble talking clearly through the copious amount of mucus the coughing fit had engendered.

"Heh, but at least your nose is clearing up, right?" Ron asked.

Shego paused, ready to start yelling at the blonde boy when she realized that her blocked nose was indeed less clogged and she could breathe a little easier. Without a smart comeback on the tip of her tongue, she whipped out another tissue and blew her nose again. "What's this?" she pointed at the soup in front of her.

"Just standard creamy chicken soup," Ron shrugged. "Nothing special, but you need to eat to regain your strength."

Shego grunted in affirmation, as she picked up the spoon and immediately stuck it into the soup, before drawing a spoonful of soup to her mouth when suddenly a hand gripped hers.

"Be careful, Shego! It's hot!" Ron called, quickly intercepting the spoonful of steaming soup. "Here, let me help you…" He carefully picked up the bowl of soup, and gently pried the spoon from Shego's hand. He scooped up a spoonful of soup, and blew gently over the top, cooling it with his breath. He then offered the spoon to Shego.

"I'm not touching that," Shego replied coldly.

"Aww… Shego, you need to eat," Ron said. "You need to keep up your strength, you haven't eaten all day."

"You are not feeding me," Shego snapped out at the blond boy, trying to stop her world from crumbling anymore at the improbability of the whole situation.

"Ah…" Ron looked dejected. "Yeah, I guess you can feed yourself…" He dropped the spoon back in the bowl and placed it back on the tray.

Shego looked suspiciously at the bowl of soup before asking, "Why?"

"Why what?" Ron asked.

"Why are you taking care of me?" Shego asked.

"Well… You looked like you needed it, collapsing like that out there in the hallway," Ron offered.

"What were you doing in Dr. D's lair anyway?"

"Well…" Ron explained, "Kim's sick, and I was here to help her out, and she mentioned that you may be getting sick… It's obvious she passed on her cold to you, and I saw you down in the hallway passed out, and I helped you out… And today, I just wanted to see how you were doing … So I just came to see how you were. I brought flowers…" Ron gestured towards a bouquet of flowers sitting pretty in her vase on the dresser.

"What's your game?" Shego asked, after a moment in shock.

"Nothing," Ron answered quickly, shifting his eyes away from her gaze for a moment. "Oh hey… Look the soup's getting cold, you better eat it."

"Stoppable… What's your game?" Shego asked again coldly.

"Well…" Ron scratched his head. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"And?"

"And I was concerned about your health."

"And?"

"And I figured you might want some company."

"And…" Shego growled dangerously. "The truth this time…"

Ron gulped. "Err… Yeah… Truth… Heh, the truth is a funny thing… It's like one of those little garden gnomes that live in your garden? You know what I mean?"

Shego shook her head, eyeing him carefully, before pulling the sheets closer to her. With this strange young teenager, one could never be too careful.

"You know what garden gnomes are like, right? You think they're small and cute, and they're always there sitting in your garden. And they're good things, because in the middle of the night when no one is looking, they become alive and take care of your gardens, and so it's all peachy, right? But that's so wrong, that it's not even funny, because these garden gnomes look at you funny. You know you're supposed to like them, but then you really can't because deep inside you know there's a conspiracy, and everyone, even your best friend calls you crazy…"

Shego gritted her teeth. She was about to use a few choice words herself and crazy is only just the tip of the iceberg. "Stoppable…" she growled lowly.

"But you can't help yourself, and then one day, you're just strolling by in the garden, and they've laid a trap for you, and next thing you know, you're lying on your back, and they surround you, with their grim beady eyes and long white beards and small but sharp pitchforks, poking you in the side, and they just won't stop, they just won't stop!" Ron's voice rose into a high-pitched crescendo. "And you try to fight them off, but there're just too many of them, and you know it's a matter of time before you are overwhelmed by the truth that is the garden gnome and then the final thing you see is that odd little red cap and a pair of tiny red boots as they stomp you and stomp you… And they just won't stop! And the truth just won't stop like that, I tell you! It just doesn't stop!"

"Snap out of it, Stoppable!" Shego growled, as she gripped his shoulder and sunk her sharp claws into him. She shook him hard, "Truth, spill, now!"

"Ah… Truth…" Ron gulped twice as he glanced around a little disorientated. "Did I tell you about the garden gnomes…"

"Enough with the garden gnomes!" Shego raised her voice angrily as best as she could, given her sore throat. She suddenly started hacking and coughing uncontrollably, except that there was a warm comforting hand patting her back, and a glass of water held in front of her. She gratefully received the glass of water, eyeing the glum blond carefully. "Don't make me raise my voice, Stoppable," Shego finally said in a hoarse voice. "Why are you here?"

Ron mumbled something inaudible.

"What?"

"I wanted to ask you to my school's Spring Fling," Ron blurted out in a hurry.

Shego was taken aback for a moment. "What?" she asked again.

"I wanted to ask you to be my date to my school's Spring Fling," Ron repeated again, blushing red at his audacious proposal.

"Why didn't you ask Kim?" Shego asked.

"She's going with Josh," Ron bowed his head a little lower.

"So why me? No one else to ask?" Shego asked sarcastically. "Am I your last choice?" Shego suddenly furrowed her brow as she realized the words that were coming out of her mouth. Was she angry because she was the last to be chosen? Oh how easy was it to slip back into that high school mentality?

"Well…" Ron gulped. "Kinda yeah… But only because I was too scared to ask you out first."

"Scared?" Shego looked at him in confusion.

"I wanted to ask you first… But… I figured if you turned me down, I wouldn't be in any shape to go to the Spring Fling…" Ron explained cautiously, throwing an anxious glance at the bedroom door. "So I figured that since I might as well not be attending the Spring Fling with a date, I might as well go all out and ask you out… I could use the excuse of legitly spending the week in the hospital…"

"Am I that scary?" the features on Shego's face softened a little.

"Yeah!" Ron nodded his head frantically. "The way you go 'Fooom!' and 'Whoosh!' with your plasma? And the way you handle Kim, and you break things easily with your fists, plus how you pick up a henchman with your bare hands and throw him across the room…"

"Are you scared of me?" Shego asked.

"You really want the truth?" Ron asked, casting a sidelong glance at the door, wondering if he could make it that far.

"Truth, and no more garden gnomes!"

"Yeah…" Ron nervously answered. "I know if you decide to get serious, I'm a dead man… Even KP finds you tough to beat sometimes…"

"So if you're that scared of me, why ask me out?"

"Ah…" Ron nervously replied. "Call it a weird thing, but I always had a thing for you? I know you are way out of my league, but you know, I just can't get you out of my mind. I mean, you're this spanking hot babe with a body that all the girls in my school want. And guys too. But I also kinda like you somehow, just the way you seem to treat life so easily, live freely and you make me laugh with the way you put Drakken down. That's not romantic, but I guess you do have a sense of humor. And that's real sexy in a woman who knows how to laugh. Yeah… So I guess you're a really great package in all… So in the least, I hope you'll shoot me down and I won't bother you again."

"Hmph," Shego stirred her soup aimlessly, as she thought deeply for a moment.

"Yeah… Well… Anyway, I hope you get better," Ron listlessly got to his feet. "Thanks anyway."

"Hey, wait! I haven't given you my answer," Shego suddenly blurted out, not wanting her companion to leave just yet.

"Is that a yes?" Ron blinked twice as his heart fluttered, not sure whether to crash into the pit of his stomach or soar in elation.

"No," Shego mumbled beneath her breath. "But if you feed me, I'll think about it."

Ron cocked his head to the side as he stared at her for a moment. A wide smile burst onto his face, as he sat down gingerly next to Shego. Pulling the tray onto his lap, he stirred the soup gently before lifting a spoonful to Shego's lips. Slowly slurping the soup, she never took her eyes off his brightly smiling face. And she found herself smiling a bit too.

"So what's with you and garden gnomes?" Shego finally asked.

Ron gave a visible shudder as he put down the empty bowl of soup. "I just don't get them myself. They're supposed to be lawn ornaments, but they're the most evil things in the world… And I hope they don't hear me say that, but that's the truth, and I'm sticking by it."

"But they're just pieces of ceramic…"

"Sure, that's what they seem at first… But that's not what they represent…"

"And what do they represent?"

"They represent some things that are just downright wrong, you know? Wrong to the point of wrongsick. It's like they're supposed to make a lawn nice and all, but they're evil and it's a bizarreness that I can't get out of my head…" Ron clutched his temples as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"You're a weird kid, you know that?" Shego mumbled. "So what does a garden gnome have to do with truth?"

"It's like this… Where there's one garden gnome, there're a whole horde of them waiting to take over… And that's like the truth, you know? You can't just get away with telling one truth, because then you'll ask about the next and the next, and before you know it, there's nothing left but the truth, and that's when garden gnomes will have taken over and ruled the world!" Ron's faced turned a little blue as he started hyperventilating.

"Oh really?" a small cunning smile appeared on Shego's lips. "So since you're honest with me at first, you're going to keep being honest with me?"

"Aww… Nuts, Shego, it doesn't…"

"Hush… So Stoppable, do you think I'm beautiful?"

"Umm… Yeah?" Ron gulped as he nervously tugged at his collar. This smelt of miles of bad-road.

"So who do you think is more beautiful? Me or Kim?" Shego gave a toothy smile as she laid her clawed hand on Ron's thigh.

Gulping nervously, Ron grabbed a pillow and smothered his face behind it. "Not telling!" his muffled cries came through.

"Nuh uh!" Shego grabbed his wrists and pried the pillow away. "Truth! You said it yourself!"

"Nnngh…" Ron gritted his teeth as he resisted. Then he glanced briefly at her, and saw her face leaning in closely to his, with that predatory look on her face. Sighing in defeat, he finally admitted, "You know what? I think KP's the best looking cheerleader on the team, but if you were to show up at any game dressed like that…"

Shego looked at him for a brief moment before her lips twitched uncontrollably and she fell back into her bed howling in laughter. "Damn, that's cute, Stoppable…" she gasped, as she wiped away tears from her eyes. "That's just so cute… So you've always imagined me in Kimmie's cheerleading outfit?"

Blushingly, Ron nodded his head slightly.

"Man," Shego laughed, as she sat up. "Now I know what to do for Halloween… Anyway, Stoppable, I'm really flattered you think of me that way. See? Telling the truth isn't so bad after all."

"Uh huh…" Ron wondered if his dignity was still intact. Maybe he would venture for a win. He hesitantly asked, "So… You haven't given me an answer yet. Would you go to the Spring Fling with me?"

"I have to check my schedule first," Shego replied quickly. A bit too quickly.

"Right," Ron nodded glumly. "You're number eight?"

"Eight?" Shego asked curiously, her tone obviously confused.

"Eighth girl to give me that lame excuse," Ron replied sadly. "Look, I know I'm not much of a guy… But I laid my heart out on the line here for you… At least break it properly… Don't give me that kind of excuse… I'm not that stupid, I know what it means…"

"No seriously, Ron…" Shego looked him straight in the eyes as she spoke. "I really have to check my schedule. You never know when Drakken's got something planned…"

"Oh… So that means…" Ron opened his eyes. "That's the truth and…"

Shego nodded with a coy smile. "Uh huh… Why not? As long as you don't talk about garden gnomes ever again."

"Gotcha."

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Right, not quite sure what went through my mind when I wrote this? It's a one-shot, and I figured that's how Ron looks at the world, and goes off-tangent with his garden gnome speech. I think there's some truth to be said there. Once there's a bit of a truth told, it goes the whole way and…

When will it ever end??!?


End file.
